Lead With Your Ears

 Parents, how many times do you tell your kids -- "You need to LISTEN better!" To a child, listening really means obeying. To an adult, listening means giving your attention to the other person. Hearing what someone else has to say without responding, without judging, without lashing out. Just listening.Easier said than done.So many of us want our voices to be heard. Want to share what we feel, want to speak, and yet, we often fight against it. Even though, I try to be a good listener, I often struggle with the fact that I'd rather trust myself than listen to someone else.The social media world we live in today gives us a new voice. A voice where we can share EVERYTHING and ANYTHING we want. We post on facebook how we're feeling, hoping that someone might say "I'm sorry, I hope you're ok" -- We post on twitter our opinion on any topic you could imagine, from how our sports teams are playing to how a flight delay or traffic delay is inconveniencing our all too important lives. Why do we do this? Because we want people to respond. We want people to LISTEN to us. But I'd argue that it's us that need to do the listening, not the sharing, not the talking.At my desk at work, I have the following scripture posted -- "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry" - James 1:19 -- The MESSAGE version of this scripture says it this way: "Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear."WOW!! That is one of the most powerful verses of scripture. And yet, it's so simple. Quick to listen. Slow to speak. Slow to become angry. We have control over all 3 of these. Why is it so hard to just listen?I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure I have the answer to how to be a better listener. I'm not sure if there's a magic potion or the perfect reply to how we can all improve as listeners but I do know it's something we should all strive to do.My brother Chris offers this take on listening vs hearing: "There is a difference between "hearing" and "listening."  Listening, only requires that you comprehend the words that flow from a person's mouth. There's no motive or desire to truly understand what is really being said, merely preparing to respond in such a way that gives you the opportunity to "be heard" yourself.  On the contrary, "hearing," is a whole different virtue.  Hearing involves giving your entire self to the person that is speaking.  It involves "seeking to understand," rather than being understood.  It involves pure and selfless motives that are derived from a heart of compassion and at the same time, maturity.  Hearing is in line with the idea of "I GET WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BECAUSE I GET YOU!"  A connection is established and therefore greater depths of intimacy and relationship are made possible.Deitrich Bonhoeffer said  half-eared listening, “despises the brother and is only waiting for a chance to speak and thus get rid of the other person.” When we are poor listeners, we reject people. When we are good listeners, we are embracing others. Instead of diminishing another with poor listening, we can invite them to exist and show them that they matter by practicing good listening skills. Bonhoeffer writes, “Just as love to God begins with listening to his Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them.”Let's work each day to improve our listening and watch how it will change your relationships and transform your own life.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XUE3urz3Fc